1. Stay calm.
2. Keep your voice down; tone compassionate.
3. Convey quiet strength and confidence.
4. Try not to look harassed and like you've lost control.
5. Do nothing to condone or condemn the behaviour; be neutral.
6. Do not reject the child by thought, word, or deed.
7. Do not punish or try to intimidate the child into submission.
8. Hunker down to your child's level; be as little a threat as you
can be during the tantrum.
9. Do not argue, reason with, or give ultimatums; just remain calm.
10.
Do not spout
mindless directives (For instance; "You're not making me happy!").
11.
Do not appear to be
against the child or treat her like an enemy.
12.
Make sure your body
language is non-threatening and sympathetic.
13.
Do not threaten with
dire consequences, bogey man, or Voldemort.
14.
Note the triggering
event, factor, or set of circumstances and make amends so it does not happen
again.
15.
Some reasons could
be a growth spurt, new tooth, immunisation shots or other natural causes.
16.
New experiences such
as day care, new sibling, moving house, long trips, hospital visits, family
get-togethers, end of family get-togethers may also upset young children.
17.
Holiday season
madness when adults show unpredictable behaviour.
18.
A tantrum is a cry
for help for a problem that they are unable to articulate; pay heed.
19.
Compromise; pick
your battles; don’t get finicky with your toddler's behaviour and come down on
her for the little stuff.
20.
Give her space by giving
time instead of deadlines to work her way out of a tantrum episode.
21.
Do not blame your
toddler for ruining your shopping, or day, or life.
22.
Be patient like the
rock that lets the wave dash on it.
23.
Allow the child to feel safe even amidst a
tantrum.
24.
Do not appear to withdraw
your love; this will further traumatise her.
25.
Build trust by not
attacking.
26.
Prevent tantrums in
the first place by avoiding trigger events such as shopping during his nap
times; leaving trigger objects such as cell phones within reach and then
grabbing it when he picks it up; piling his plate with stuff you know he
detests instead of introducing it stealthily or giving him options.
27.
The child is most vulnerable
amid a tantrum and needs love more then than when they are serene and lovable.
28.
Try to understand
the cause; communicate to your child that you're trying your best to do so.
29.
The child may be soothed
somewhat if she thinks you're genuinely trying to help.
30.
If you can't find a
reason just know that there still is a reason to this madness even if you are unable
to find one at that point. Explore other scientific causes for your toddler's tantrums.
32.
Check for emotional
issues. Has the child's routines been disrupted to accommodate your errands? A
tantrum is the child's way of reacting to it.
33.
How many times a day
do you say, "No!" to your toddler? If you do that a lot, try to balance
the negative with positives.
34.
Do not let the reaction
of others bother you and cause you to act irrationally.
35.
People are going to
be giving well-meant advice on how to deal with tantrums, but they don't know
your children as well as you do. Go with your gut feeling and not by prevailing
wisdom.
36.
People may not like
a screaming child; they like a strident adult even less. Keep your composure.
37.
Show genuine concern
and communicate to him that you really want to help.
38.
Convey your helplessness
(of snatching the other kid's toy and presenting it to him because it's not
right) and commiserate appropriately. He should understand that the reason you're
not doing it is because it's not the right thing to do; it is not your way of taking
revenge on him for throwing a tantrum.
39.
Offer alternatives.
40.
Distract.
41.
Understand that
tantrums usually cannot be cut short; it has to run its course.
42.
Bringing it up later
may not be a good idea because the child may not have a clear recollection of
it; kids live in the present; kids have no adult logic.
43.
Toddlers do not
understand the concept of delayed gratification; which is why they want
something right away and refuse to understand why not. She has to learn it the
hard way when her tantrum does not make like magic and get her what she wants.
Be aware of what she's going through and remain empathic. It's like you wanting
the latest Samsung phone right away but a higher power says, "Nope, you've
got to wait until next year!"
44.
Don't expect the
child to manage his tantrum.
45.
A toddler tantrum is
a form of self-expression although an extreme version.
46.
Examine patterns of your
own and your spouse's behaviour and how you express frustration, anger, loss,
and sadness.
47.
Is there something in your relationship that makes your child anxious?
48.
A toddler has no
sense of responsibility and cannot be held responsible for the tantrum. It's
like catching a cold when the conditions are right to catch a cold; the kid is
not responsible for catching a cold bug.
49.
But parents have the
responsibility to evaluate, find cause, and make relevant changes.
50.
Or understand the repercussions.
51.
Making him feel guilty
can cause harm to his emotional development; his system is not ready for a
guilt complex.
52.
A tantrum is not
necessarily misbehaviour to begin with, although in time it can become so.
53.
Among siblings, one
may throw tantrums while the other may not. Do not compare the two as this will
lead to the good guy/ bad guy categorisation and promote sibling rivalry. This actually gives him negative
reinforcement; "I'm the 'bad guy', it is okay for me to act out."
54.
Kids unconsciously
act out to fulfil your expectations, even negative ones. So do not discuss his
tantrum behaviour when he is present.
55.
Kids are different
and have different personalities even within the same family. Childrearing has
to suit the personality; it is not a case of one pattern fits all.
56.
Do not label. Do not
talk about the tantrum thrower as 'problem child' or 'little demon' etc. this
may cause him to feel different and a 'freak'.
57.
Some kids pick up
cues from other kids' behaviour; possibly other kids at day-care or at a play
group or from cousins at a family gathering, and even from cartoons and movies.
If you're sure this is where it's coming from, explain gently why this is not
nice, praise his earlier behaviour, and encourage him to go back to that.
58.
Reward good behaviour,
highlight and offer positive reinforcement rather than always bringing up what
needs to be fixed. Don't wait for bad behaviour before you go scrambling to
find something to reward; do it from day one. This is how you program your
child to be good. Once he has this record, he'll want to maintain it.
59.
Keep in touch with
teachers, day care staff, coaches, instructors to find if he acts up outside the
home. Also whether he has issues with bullying—as victim or perpetrator.
60.
Do not leave the
child alone during a tantrum, or locked up in the car, or in his room. Do not
walk away from your child when she is having a tantrum in a public place. Be
there.
61.
This can create
fears of abandonment which may compound their fears and frustrations.
62.
As it subsides, hold
her close and ask her if she feels better. Most kids seek out the presence of
their parent once the melt down subsides. Do not reject their reaching out.
63.
Remove him from the
environment and help him settle down.
64.
Once he has regained
his composure and is smiling again, match your mood to his. Don't remain
sulking when he is all happy and sunny.
65.
Do not act like the
long-suffering victim in order to make her feel like a villain.
66.
At the end of it
all, don't treat your child like a parole violator. A post mortem of the
proceedings is not necessarily understood by a very young child.
67.
If you have to bring
it up, put the incident in a story. How Bunny threw a tantrum and upset all the
other bunnies. Discuss Bunny's situation with her; ask her why Bunny got upset
in the first place.
68.
Get in touch with
your inner child and put yourself in his place.
69.
Align yourself
firmly on the side of the child and tell her to let you know the next time she
feels this way so you can both avoid this happening.
71.
Do not counter the
tantrum with smart comebacks or witticisms to make her feel stupid.
72.
Do not shame your
child publicly by pointing to other people and how they might by laughing at
her behaviour. She'll grow up with low self-esteem and always have the feeling
of being judged by others.
73.
Validate her
feelings of frustration, discomfort, being overwhelmed, fear, and powerlessness.
74.
Tell her you understand
but there is a better way to deal with it.
75.
Make a secret code,
such as "I'm upset". Ask her to use this the next time she feels low.
She'll be happy to have a secret pact with you.
76.
Yet another secret
code is a special name you have for her when she has no choice but listen and
obey. For instance, Katelyn could be Katie honey, sweetie, angel, princess and
so on when she is nice, but a firm "Kate!" when she misbehaves.
77.
Ignoring a tantrum
believing that it will make it go away will only serve to make matters worse,
especially if the tantrum was caused by a feeling of not being attended to in
the first place. This is a form of passive-aggressive stance found in adult
confrontations.
78.
A genuinely
sensitive child will be devastated by this reaction. Be aware of your child's true
basic nature before you react to her behaviour.
79.
Treat the issue as important
even if it is the most ridiculous thing you've heard in your entire life. You
are teaching your child the importance of validating the feelings of others.
80.
Consistent eye
contact, smiles, and conversation assures your young child that he is a part of
your world and not outside it. This helps form bonds of attachment that go so
far as to enable healthy relationships as adults.
81.
Some kids act out if
they are strapped to a pram or a car seat for lengthy periods of time and are deprived
of regular human contact in the form of hugs and cuddles. Kids flourish on
physical contact and fail to thrive when denied it. They may feel deprived and
act out in frustration.
82.
A feeling that he
has to compete and try very hard to win your attention will fashion him into a
whiny, strident, and annoying kid who will go to any length to get you to pay
attention. As he gets older, his attention-grabbing gimmicks will get out of
hand and veer towards bullying, self-harm, and criminal activity.
83.
Once the tantrum
episode is done with and the child is settled, get life back to normal and
resume your day-to-day activities. Do not treat the child as if he is an
invalid who needs extra attention and mollycoddling; this may program him to
hit the tantrum button to get some quality attention from you. Instead give him
the extra special treatment when he is in his best behaviour in order to
encourage more of that.
84.
How do you react
when frustrated? Are you sending cues with your own behaviour?
85.
Sometimes you have
to give in and it's not a loss. For instance, if your toddler acts out because
he does not want to share his toys, do not make him out to be an ogre. Respect
his decision. Socialisation skills will kick in when he is older. How happy
would you be if someone takes a shine to your iPad and decides she wants it?
86.
Give the kid a break
now and then. Don't be on her case the entire day monitoring her every word and
deed. She does not have to be on her best behaviour 24X7.
87.
Kids only know what
they want and when they want it; which is right now.
88.
Toddlers are not
capable of rationalising and counter arguing; they can only say,
"Why?" and not really understand your adult explanation, which is why
they keep repeating, "Why?"
89.
Toddlers are not
capable of figuring out the best option.
90.
Toddlers are not
capable of coming to a decision, prioritising, or bargaining.
91.
Toddlers are not
capable of shrewdness in order to get something or make something happen.
92.
Toddlers do not know
the idea of postponement.
93.
Toddlers do not plan
for the future. So when they throw a tantrum, it's not a pre-meditated plan to make you suffer.
94.
Toddlers do not know
about "deserving" something.
96.
The best way to
encourage good behaviour is to treat them with hugs, happiness, and goodies
when they are good on their own accord without your instructions or pleas.
97.
Treats need not be
sugary stuff; it can be a good block of uninterrupted quality time, impromptu
story or song, cooking together, or gardening, or whatever you both enjoy.
98.
When you smile at
your toddler, make sure you look into his eyes and connect.
99.
Be reasonable and realistic
and deal with tantrums on a case by case basis rather than one set of rules to
fit all temper episodes. When you decree Time Out for all tantrum behaviour,
you're not interested in finding out the root cause of what's distressing your
child. You have confined your role to that of a mere disciplinarian when the
situation calls for a loving, understanding, and caring parent.
100.
Like all things in
life, this too shall pass; your toddler will soon be replaced by a weird teenager;
so enjoy her while you're still able to pick her up and hug her tight.
I appreciate you reading this far. Do let me know if this post has been useful in some way by leaving a comment. I'd appreciate you sharing, liking, and tweeting this post so it goes around. Have a great day!
I appreciate you reading this far. Do let me know if this post has been useful in some way by leaving a comment. I'd appreciate you sharing, liking, and tweeting this post so it goes around. Have a great day!
